The Lizard in My Window

February 8, 2020


Photo Cred: Anthem of Hope

Fear is crippling and can not be navigated on your own. Everyone needs help.

A green colored lizard, common in my neighborhood, has found itself trapped between the screen of my window and the actual window glass itself. It is a lovely shade of green when the sunlight hits it from the right angle, but it is otherwise a plain and rather drab sort of olive color. The area around its eyes are a fascinating hue of turquoise, while the eyes themselves resemble some beady black. It likes to remain as stationary as a statue with its oddly shaped feet clinging to the screen until prompted to move suddenly and rapidly by a range of stimuli, including the tapping of my fingers against my window. I see lizards of its kind all the time, especially during the summer, but never before have I been as fascinated by a lizard as I am right now. I wonder if my fascination stems from a lack of fear of the creature, because in normal circumstances, I see lizards either because they snuck into my house when I left the door open, or I see lizards because they are running around my driveway and could possibly dart into my shoe or pant leg at any given moment. With this lizard trapping itself in the clutches of my window, I cannot touch it; it cannot touch me. However, I can put my eyes nearly a centimeter away from the body of the lizard without any fear of it scurrying onto my face. This leads me to further wonder what other fascinating things fear holds me back from experiencing. 

The sky is a soft blue with traces of clouds that look like stretched out cotton balls. My view from my window is the “canopy” of trees surrounding the greenbelt, and during the spring and summer, the bright green leaves shine brilliantly and are quite pleasant to look at. The lizard inside of my window looks almost lovely against the blue sky and the green trees that wave at me with help from the wind. I will admit that the lizard is a little bit ugly, but I think that its air of mystery and mottled green skin against the pleasant background make it almost beautiful. Not completely beautiful in a way that eases the eyes, but maybe it possesses a certain beauty in a way that only the strangest, most “out there” things can. I could list so many elements of life that carry such beauty; to be odd and to stand out from the arbitrary parts of life makes some of my favorite things in life my favorites! In a slight contrast, I feel that the scene transmits serenity and simplicity as well, which makes it beautiful and fascinating in a very different way. All it really depicts is a lizard, the sky, and some trees. The clouds brush across the sky, the wind moves the tree branches, and the lizard is trapped. I want for it to be free! I want for the little lizard to go find its habitat somewhere in the trees that are waving for it to come home! I tried to help the lizard get back to its home by opening my window and getting it into a cup to go outside, but when I opened my window, it just ran upwards, away from the open part of my window. I tried to get the cup near it, but it would not move towards me. I noticed its rib cage expanding and contracting very rapidly within its tiny lizard body, and I cannot help but wonder if it thought I was trying to harm it or trap it. It simply did not trust me. Although, why would a tiny lizard trapped in a window trust a big human with a plastic cup? Needless to say, it did not accept my help, so I closed my window and set the cup on my desk. I hope that the little lizard makes it out and can be free. 

A question that keeps returning to my mind is this: why do I keep thinking about this measly lizard? I have far more pressing things to do, yet my attention and focus is continually turned in the direction of a common thing with no significance to me. I suppose that there is something so utterly captivating about seeing a small creature experience fear, struggles, and obstacles that cause it to breathe deeply, just as humans do. Just as fear typically holds me back from seeing lizards up close, fear held the lizard back from trusting me to take care of it. Sometimes we are like the lizard, fumbling through life and ending up trapped in a situation that we feel we cannot escape, causing us to dart around in circles, breathing heavily and trying to think. Unfortunately, like the lizard, it looks so scary to just take a leap of faith by accepting help from others in times of duress, and we often just scurry away from our faith, family and well-meaning friends who long to be there for us but are pushed away. 

Recently, a friend of mine talked about mental illness and its impact on our world and in our high school.  I encourage you to re-invest in the people around you that want the best for you in all circumstances. Choose to see people where they are at in life, you may be the difference or the help they need. We have all had a trapped-lizard moment or period of time at some point, where we feel helpless and alone in our struggles. I can assure you that you are not alone and that reaching out to someone close to you will give you the support and love that you need in difficult times. Additionally, you may know me, or you may not know me, but I want you to know that I am always here and my inbox is open ([email protected]; check out my bio on the Staff Page for more info too!) if you ever need someone to talk to and just listen. Contrary to what you could be feeling right now, no matter who you are or what you do, people do care deeply about you.

“To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world.” – Unknown


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